"I'm Not The Maid Around Here"

This is my mantra. "I'm not the maid around here!" I use it oh, fifteen or twenty times a day sometimes. Of course the sad truth is, I am the closest thing to a maid that this place is going to get.

I choose to clean my own house because I would rather spend the money on treating myself to nice things like massages, because I like to make my own natural cleaning products without chemicals, and because I have had my share of Polish or Brazilian house cleaners in the past and have had the same communication problems everyone does who can't speak Polish or Portuguese. I also remember that all of those housecleaners, irrespective of their country of origin, were blind from the waste up, meaning they would never clean anything above waste level.

So now I like to joke with anyone who comes to the house that I am the cleaning lady, but I keep giving myself the day off. I must admit though, I have started involving the kids (Thing 1 and Thing 2) in the household chores.

Usually Thing 1 will do the toilets and the sinks without much grousing at all and Thing 2 is an expert duster. In addition they are expected to fold the clothes when I deliver them to the family room where they are then called upon to come to from their TV induced catatonic coma, to fold them. They are also expected to set the table and on occasion (when I think of it and they are within eyesight), empty the dishwasher. I think it is important to engage them in these ways. It teaches them responsibility and also to appreciate what we do for them.

I also want to instill in them the importance of lending a hand in all sorts of activities. Of course, they have had the "hold the door for the next person" drilled into their heads, but I want them to, of their own volition, lend a hand when at someone's house for clearing a table, moving furniture, etc. So, I start at home and try to drill it into their heads in the hopes that it will become second nature.

Of course, all of this takes considerable effort, energy and often fine argumentative skills. I admit, sometimes I don't have the energy to argue over every little thing. For instance, I did such a good job of drilling into their heads that dirty clothes go in their respective hampers, that I don't have to worry about clothes lying around their room. However, though I have mentioned it several times, there isn't a great distinction in their minds between clean clothes and dirty clothes, no matter how many perishing polar bears clinging to icebergs I can conjure up in their minds to show them that cleaning clean clothes is a waste of energy.

So instead, I secretly go through the clothes and send back up, without washing, the ones that weren't actually dirty in the first place. Don't worry, the minute I think they are just putting the clothes in the hamper so they don't have to fold them and put them back in their drawers, I will call them on that behavior. I will call them on it just as soon as I have the energy, because it is tiring doing most of the work around here. Announcing time after time that "I'm not the maid around here" takes a good bit of energy and a lot of drama too.