Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Getting Old Really Stinks!

Getting old really stinks. I mean that literally. Have any of you other over-forty types noticed that your deodorant just doesn't cut it anymore? It used to be you could shower in the a.m., apply the old deodorant and call it a day. That is until you hit forty, or in my case, it seems 42.

Now I find that the once a day deodorant generally doesn't cut it. I am not alone in this and it isn't just a female thing. After passing by hubby a few times lately, I noticed a definite "aroma" coming off of him as well. I finally pulled him aside at one of our parties and mentioned it to him. Being the better spouse as usual, he wasn't in the least offended by this and thanked me for telling him.

In my own pre-wafting days, after my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, I went on a "cull out the chemicals crusade." I began with the deodorants, vaguely remembering some chain email that fingered the stuff. So, I turned to "natural" deodorants, specifically crystal sticks. Well, though they may contain crystal, alas they are no magic balm and they can't perform the way the chemical brands do. So, I grudgingly dove back to Dove.

I have my own theory of why we seem to "ripen" with age like stinky cheese. My theory is that just as wrinkles mean we are slowly shriveling up, the odor we emit is evidence that we are slowly drying up ourselves, becoming more concentrated, more potent. Now if only that potency could translate to other arenas...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I Look Just Like I Did Ten Years Ago, Only On Steroids

I went to physical therapy the other day and found myself in front of a three way mirror, diligently doing my rotator cuff exercises. I would blame the rotator cuff tendinitis on getting old, but there were a bunch of high school and college aged kids in there with me with the same injury. I will leave alone the fact that they are varsity athletes and I am a vintage athlete.

Anyway, there I was with nothing to look at but me, pretty much everywhere I turned and I couldn't help but notice that I looked like a puffed up version of my original self. Now, back when I was my original self (read before I turned forty), I always thought I would take this aging thing quite gracefully. Now that I am actually a victim of it, I must say it is rather disgraceful.

Like most things, it is easy to say and harder to do. So what of it? As Nora Ephron suggests, one can simply try to avoid mirrors, but that is a little hard to do (especially when one injures herself and ends up in front of a three way mirror...). As much as I don't like being Puff Mommy, I wouldn't become a botox pin cushion or worse. So, there is nothing to do to except accept that this is the new me. Puffy and proud. Well okay, not proud, but strong, healthy (except for the rotator cuff, which is coming along) and pretty much too busy to care too carefully what I look like...most of the time.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Full Disclosure

Last week I had two medical appointments at places I hadn't been a patient of in several years. So, I had to fill out all of their forms again. When I got to the checklist of symptoms/experiences parts of these forms, I found myself laughing.

Both sets of forms stated something along the lines of "Are you experiencing now or have you ever experienced any of the following?" And so began the list with items such as: forgetfulness, dizziness, loss of memory, weight gain, weight loss, sleeplessness, difficulty sleeping, etc., thus the laughter.

Who hasn't suffered from all of the above at least "ever." If you actually took the form literally, you would think there was a lot more wrong with you than why you made the appointment in the first place. I was particularly puzzled by the question as to forgetfullness when at the orthopedic surgeon's office. I was there for my sore rotator cuff. What would that have to do with forgetfulness? Sure it is a standard medical form and none of the doctors bother to customize it, but part of me couldn't help wondering if they didn't leave that question on there so they could decide whether to keep me as a patient. I mean, would my forgetfulness cause me to forget my booked appointments?

As for weight gain and weight loss, most of us don't check those boxes (though I did check the box for weight gain recently and put next to it "due to overindulgent vacation"), but show me the person who honestly can say they have never experienced any weight gain or loss in their life and I will be pretty jealous of that person.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Now Ear This

Hubby thinks I have a hearing problem. I think he mumbles and only gets the urge to speak to me when loud music is playing in the background or when (like usual) Thing 1 is screaming at Thing 2 or vice versa.

Though I hate to admit it, he might have a wee bit of a point. While on a ferry from Seattle to Vancouver recently, I was quite puzzled by the captain's announcement. I thought he had told us that "occasionally we may pass a log with deer around it." My mind was filled with an image of a log floating in the water and several deer, also in the water, doggy paddling (deer paddling?) around it. I could see instantly why one would want to make a special announcement about that. However, I was still mystified as to why deer would be attracted to a log in the water (other than trying to hang on for deer (spelling error intended) life).

So, I decided to ask Hubby what the guy had said about deer. Hubby said "what deer?" I then explained what I thought I had heard the captain announce.
Hubby, after laughing hysterically, pointed out that the captain had actually said "occasionally we may encounter a log but will veer around it." Now why make an announcement about that? I may not be able to hear as well as I used to, but at least my creative juices are overflowing, the circling deer would have been much more interesting and noteworthy.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Zit Happens

Watching Thing 1 enter the wonderful world of puberty, I would have thought that I would have to have dug back in my mind to remember what it was like to deal with acne.

Turns out, I don't have to dig back at all. Guess who gets to experience acne twice? Moi. Sure, there are worse things that I could be experiencing and part of the reason that I continue to battle this acne thing is that I am suspect of some of the heavy duty meds they prescribed for me. I was given three things, one, a benzoil peroxide medicated wash that I was told would bleach my towels, a topical treatment called Clyndamicin, and Retin-A, which I was informed, would make my skin photosensitive, read: stay out of the sun (ha! as if we had any this summer...).

I dutifully went along with this regimen for maybe 4-5 weeks. Maybe my skin was getting better, probably it was.. However, right around that time, I became more and more uncomfortable about putting all of these things on my skin, including my chest, where of course the acne has decided to flourish. As you may know, my older sister battled breast cancer last year. So, I am not too comfortable with the use of unnecessary chemicals in general, but particularly topically applied to my chest.

In the end, I decided to stop using all but the Clyndamicin. The medicated wash was not only annoying, but I noticed it contained parabens. Parabens have been shown to be estrogen mimickers, or technically, endocrine disruptors. My sister's breast cancer was disruptive enough, thank you. I chucked the Retin-A too, for similar reasons. I am suspicious of the chemicals, and when I used it, due to the photosentive thing, I started getting darker spots on my face, despite the pronounced lack of sunshine this summer as opposed to most summers.

So, here I am alone with my acne. I am okay with it. At least the zits come and go and I know they won't leave lasting consequences or toxic buildup in my body. Zit happens, and if that is the worst of it, I'll be fine.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Killer Aerobics

So I heard this morning while at the gym that a gunman outside of Pittsburgh had rampaged an LA Fitness aerobics class, killing four women and injuring others. What is wrong with this country?

Are we safe no where? How many shooting rampages do we have to read about on a weekly basis until we say enough is enough? Time for another Million Mom March I suspect.

It is bad enough that it takes a lot of motivation to get thee to a gym to stay fit and healthy. You shouldn't have to risk your life to get healthy. I think some of these gyms will rethink some gym class titles such as Killer Core, etc.

Seriously, it will be a lot easier to make it a lot harder for these looneytunes to buy guns than it will be to build virtual prisons everywhere we go-the gym, our schools, our work, is Wal-mart next? Actually, that one would be super difficult considering they sell guns...

I am tired of hearing how the NRA is such a strong lobby and how the Constitution provides the right to bare arms. Well, we should all have the right to bare arms at the gym and work out safely. Without the fear of a crazed gunman coming into mow us down...

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


I've been meaning to call "Click" and "Clack" from "Car Talk" on NPR for a while now. You see, "my" 2005 Honda Pilot mysteriously won't start every once in a while. Yes, it has been to the Honda dealer-numerous times. Each time they either say there is nothing wrong with it that they can find, or they decide to order expensive and distant parts such as a new relay system, or in another visit, a new VTM-Lock thingy. Well, I am pretty sure that was the technical term.

Whether we use technical terms or not, the bottom line is, the car is NOT reliable. Not only does it not start, but on two occasions, it stalled out on my while driving along. For anyone who has experienced this, including the accompanying obscene hand gestures and glares from motorists who are forced to go around the dead car with me in it, you can relate.

It got so bad that the last time it went into "the shop" (now I think I know why they call it that, while you are awaiting to reclaim your clunker for the umpteenth time, you start thinking of buying one of the shiny new working cars on the floor so you don't have to spend as much time in the dealership), I told my husband that either we got me a different car, or else I took the other car for all time and "the next time it breaks down, we sell it, no argument."

So, wouldn't you know, yesterday, after playing tennis at a public park which was 1.5 miles away (sure, Mapquest says 1.37, but that is in the middle of the park and the tennis courts are of course, farther) we got into the steamy vehicle only to have it not start. We waited. I tried again, it didn't start. Hubby has a theory that the key immobilizer has something to do with it not starting, so, in desperation, I tried locking and unlocking it. A few times. No dice. Finally I called him and asked him what he proposed I do. I could call AAA to tow it, but to where? The last four or five times it was towed to the dealer, didn't seem to do much for its record of reliability. So, we had words, and I told him that I (ok, "we", Thing 2 had a friend over) were just going to walk back home-uphill most of the way...

Sure enough, later that night, I dropped Hubby off to "deal with the car." Wouldn't you know it started right up? Undeterred, I stood my ground and said I had pint-sized witnesses. Hubby blamed my paranoid habit of locking the car doors, for why the car hadn't started earlier. I countered that in fact, it was the one time I hadn't locked the car because it was literally in front of the court we were playing on. Rather than get in it with him, I agreed to drive the unreliable car home so he could get gas in his car, and I told him that if the car died on the way home I would be serving him with divorce papers. Luckily for him and me, I made it home and have the other car in my possession now. I won't be lulled into the fact that the car seems to be working fine for a month or two to make me take it back. I am sticking to my "guns."

How many of you think that Hubby should give in and get rid of this clunker like I do? Never mind my calling "Click" and "Clack" because I won't even trust what they say either now.